Purple Angel Wing Heart

man up 2022: heat five

man up 2022: heat five

cw: the assault based-story comes to its natural conclusion

Now, here’s the most recent Man Up! heat (until tomorrow, where more pandemonium ensues – then the next two weeks after that!). This one seemed a bit more self-contained than the past four, especially when a third of the contestants were returnees. Still a lot of fun to shoot/witness though… when is Man Up! not?

As per TPTB’s request, the photos are a bit less saturated than the past four heats. I need to start making my own presets and get all experimental with it. Or at least, get some actions off DeviantArt and consume a bit more time…

Don One was too pissed to shoot, but they promised that they’d get snapped during Heat 7.

Part One

Due to there being a bit more time this week, Don One started their opening act with a bit of stand-up. Because they forgot to mention it last time (shocking!), they discussed being vegan and did a re-write of ‘Human’ by Rag-n-Bone Man about it. They, as well as all the other plant-based folk in the room, had me convinced. At least I’m flexitarian-by-circumstance…

First to compete was Ivor Kunt. Much (positive) discussion was had about his name. He did a blended (stand up and lipsync) performance about making a Hinge profile, bringing up both Saint Sinister and Chloe Borthwick (they did compete after all!) from the audience to hopefully be “The One”. There was also a ton of gyrating. Looks-wise, he reminds me a lot of Herron from How Ridiculous (aka the three guys who’d successfully convince me to join Hillsong, and I *hate* Hillsong).

First returnee up, however, was Ryyder Bones. He performed a similar set to last time, but with a song (‘In One Ear’ by Cage the Elephant) that suited him more. There was a lot of hunching over, from both him and the audience, making me wonder if some king can go full Attack Attack crabcore. It’s dated, but it’s still camp. (Also he dyed his out-of-drag hair from red to purple over the past few weeks, and it’s way more healthier than mine…)

Then came Sonny Delight. He’s one of the sexiest kings ever to grace the Man Up! stage AND he’s a massive fan of my work. Again, what’s not to love? A late 60s/early 70s flower child with a touch of the Hendrix about him (on purpose), he planted a seed while lipsyncing to Daniel Caesar’s ‘Get You’. I love a bit of neo-soul and, again, it made me wonder if everything Kali Uchis touches turns to gold. (This was the day I also became a Magdalena Bay stannie…)

Before the interval, Don addressed the whole Dizzee fiasco, acknowledging that you can’t really do that act any more because he’s horrible and Don’s more cosy with Kylie Minogue or whomst’ve instead. Most cathartic way to handle it, deffo.

Don One
Ivor Kunt
Ryyder Bones
Sonny Delight

Part Two

After the interval, Don One put on a child-size pair of Groucho glasses, spoke in a Manchester accent and did ‘Wonderwall’. It was a moment. Then again, just sing ‘Wonderwall’ in any public vicinity and any thoughts of being mad are thrown out of the window by the first “but I don’t know howwww”. Still some progress to go compared to ‘Mr Brightside’ though, but just about on a par with ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’.

Starting off the second half was be-mulleted Aussie bloke Ken Shrimp. He did a bit of bogan stand-up before getting the audience – headed up by three willing volunteers – to chant some typical Aussie sayings. Things like “it’s a snake, mate!” and “BUSH! BUSH! BUSH!”, culminating in a mass “If you say you’re a man, YOU’RE A MAN!”. Four minutes might be too short to properly conceptualise (contextualise?) the Shrimp.

Don One
“Because maaaybeeee”
Harry, Ken, Isla and Esther
Ken shrimps… I mean strips off
Bi Curious George
The Vicar’s Daughter

Our second and final returnee was Bi Curious George, who metamorphosised from glowing snail to namesake monkey. It was very gay, with phallic bananas swapped in favour of peaches and a bit of George Michael playing in the background. Plus he also did the splits AND there was more crochet in the form of pasties. The audience were very loud, but no Paul Bollywood standing Os here.

Closing the show was The Vicar’s Daughter. The entire time I saw them, they were in the most picture perfect Charlie Chaplin drag ever seen, and their mannerisms were uncanny once on stage. Despite ‘Smile’ playing in the background and a look remeniscent of Chaplin in The Kid, the plot was a bit more like Albert Lamorisse’s The Red Balloon, with a more touching tone of loss and finding.

Our Heat 5 contestants

This heat, the winners were a bit more clear – you could tell just how polished they looked, let alone performed! Of course, they were Sonny and TVD. There was barely any contest – Ivor would’ve gone farther had his act been truncated a little.

Also I need to learn a bit more about Dorothy Perkins, one of the celebrants. She looked like Kylie and had a very intriguing aura about her. From what I can gather, her sidekick is named Jane Norman, because of course. (Miss Sixty and Miss Selfridge found dead in a ditch?)

As for tomorrow, BGD (Boris from Heat 1) is back and we’re getting our token international king! I wonder what else is in store…

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